I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
