he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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