why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You left your phone here
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