U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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