he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
nutella sex= disaster
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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