it hurts more in the daytime
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
