My underwear smells like fireworks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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