I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
