I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was like eating out sand paper
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
