SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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