It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need moral support for this bender
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
