Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
