what day is it and did you see me today?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
