All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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