i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
