is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
