I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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