i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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