I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
