**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
