I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
