Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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