I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
