What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
