drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
