i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
