i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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