I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
