I'm really into asian looking animals
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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