My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
