okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
