mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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