We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
