Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
