why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
