I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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