Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
