Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
