All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't turn off my feet"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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