So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
