I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
