Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
