It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
