Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
