I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
