My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
