I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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