We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
