I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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