THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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