Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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