This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
