if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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