My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
