Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
