I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
