If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
