I got chris browned last night
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
