My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
