I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
