Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
