ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
