It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
