I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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