I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
