remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
